Twin Reflections
by RFTA
Summary: Every one has more than one side to their personality, but only a few truly understand their complete personality.  Kenshin Himura is not one of these rare people.


Disclaimer: I do not own the Rurouni Kenshin series, or any of it's characters.

To never be at peace with oneself. To fear, and even hate the darkness within.

That was Kenshin Himura's punishment for his life as an assassin. Ever since he had sworn never again to take another life, and had taken to wandering around Japan, he thought he could hear the shadow of his former life, lurking in the back of his injured mind, his tortured soul. No matter how many good deeds he performed, no matter how many lives saved, that shadow continued to haunt him.

"Himura Battousai was a monster who killed any whom crossed him, without remorse." That was his legacy. And Kenshin had heard it so many times, he had come to believe it himself.

And it was all a lie.

Kenshin lived in fear of returning to the Battousai. He was scared of his own strength, but more than that, Kenshin feared the anger that always lay deep within him. He tried so hard to keep it locked away, allowing anyone that did not threaten the well being of anyone that was not him to walk over him. Verbal abuse, violence...Kenshin would just stand by and take it, a serene smile on his face. Kenshin really was a kind-hearted person, but he did not have the almost unlimited patience and understanding that he pretended to have.

During those ten long years, Kenshin had eventually paid the inevitable price of keeping up a flawless mask, never allowing it to slip, not even for a second, and that mask had become so ingrained, he had lost the ability to remove it.

Then, he met Kaoru. Tired of wandering, relieved, if not a little confused that she hadn't turned away when she had realised whom he was, he had jumped at the chance to stay in the Dojo with her.

That encounter was only the beginning. A long line of strange incidents and bitter battles followed. As trying as those times were, though, they served to strengthen the bonds between those whom frequented the Dojo. Kenshin never told them, but he felt a deep love for all of them. They were more than just his friends, they were his family.

Even so, the Battousai still haunted him. When Jinei kidnapped Kaoru, Kenshin, for the first time, lost control, and the Battousai returned. Lost in a void of rage and hatred, Kenshin could still faintly hear Kaoru's pleas. She may have been aware of his past, but she had never seen Battousai, and it was clear that she couldn't cope.

Kaoru saved Kenshin from killing, but she had no idea just how deeply the confrontation had frightened Kenshin. It wasn't only that he had almost killed, but that he had really hated Jinei, and wanted to finish him. Kenshin had never experienced that before. The actual desire to kill.

In response, Kenshin fought to seal the darkness within him even deeper than before. Repeatedly facing enemies that were more than a match for the Rurouni, having more people to protect, Kenshin soon realised that rather than sealing the Battousai, he was becoming ever closer to returning to his former self.

Then, he fought Chou. And Kenshin had tried to kill him. He was forced, an innocent life was at stake, and in the end, he hadn't killed Chou, but the incontrovertible fact remained, Kenshin had tried. If he had wanted to spare Chou, he could have simply reversed his sword, as he had done when he, as the Battousai had fought Jinei, but he hadn't. And this time, Kenshin knew, he couldn't have blamed it on the Battousai. He wanted to save the baby, but when he had struck, Kenshin knew, the move had been carefully calculated. Kenshin also knew as the blow hit, that his eyes were purple, not inhuman yellow.

Kenshin had wept, when night had fallen, the darkness and the solicitude of his room hiding him from the rest of the world.

He truly was a monster.

Deep within Kenshin, the Battousai shook his head. He fully understood Kenshin's constant turmoil, but that didn't stop his dismay.

The Battousai had always hated killing, but he had believed it to be the only way to protect everyone. And that was all he wanted to do. He wanted people to live in a world, where they could be safe and happy. He didn't want people to suffer the same as he had suffered, so many years ago when he had first met his Master. It was true that the Battousai had killed many, but only those who stood in the way of his goal.

The Battousai wasn't some evil force that wanted to take over Kenshin's mind, and turn him into a killing machine. He wanted Kenshin to live as a wanderer. Kenshin Himura, no, Shinta, was never meant to be a killer.

Battousai could see the fear in his family's eyes whenever Kenshin lost his temper, and Battousai emerged. It wasn't unexpected, but it wounded Battousai deeply, every time he saw it. Although Battousai knew his family loved Kenshin, all of them believed in the stories of the cold-blooded murderer.

They constantly underestimated Kenshin, thinking he would fall to foes that were pitiful compared to him. Every time Kenshin defeated one of those opponents, the joy in the faces of the members of his family was real, but it always tinged with fear. They had no idea how strong Kenshin really was.

Battousai wanted nothing more than to tell Kenshin's family that they would never need to worry. Kenshin had never been a merciless murderer. Their sweet-natured Kenshin would never disappear. Battousai knew with certainty though, that if he ever tried to reassure any of them, he would only frighten them. Something that Battousai never wanted to do.

"You will tell your story right here. I am not the only one involved in this." Although he had given no sign, as Battousai said those words, he had tensely waited for a reaction. Nothing. Only the fear that had chilled the atmosphere since Battousai's appearance. He had hoped, that his civil if cold conversation with Okubo, and the insistence of everyone's involvement would change...something, but it had only proven Battousai's theory to be true.

In any case, Battousai only assumed control when Kenshin was truly angry, and that only happened when someone was in serious danger, and Kenshin was losing a fight. Hardly the best time to have a heart to heart with those Battousai loved.

Battousai's only other desire was to speak with Kenshin himself. To remind Kenshin that he, _they_, weren't a monster. To show Kenshin how much he'd allowed people's misconceptions to change his own view of himself. How weak Kenshin had allowed himself to become, so scared of his true potential, and that weakness had nearly cost people their lives.

Most of all, he wanted to reassure Kenshin that Battousai loved their life, and would never do anything to jeopardise it, that he would act only to protect it, by using the strength that Kenshin feared, but without killing. If Kenshin had really thought about it, he would have realised this himself. It had been Battousai who had struck Kanryu, Battousai that had defeated Raijuta's men so they could save Yutaro, and all without taking a single life.

Battousai also knew, that he would never be able to "talk" to Kenshin. If he ever tried, Kenshin would realise how "aware" Battousai was, and would only hate Battousai even more, fight ever harder to deny the Battousai.

And so, Kenshin would continue to be punished, by his own hand.


End file.
